Hey Rock, Just Force Them To Watch The Tooth Fairy
RAW started with Vickie Guerrero and Paul Heyman in the ring. They said they were in the ring as a sign of unity because both were defamed by The Rock last week. Heyman called Vickie the sexiest GM in the history of television. Vickie replayed the song about Heyman. Heyman said it is one thing to pick a fight with him, but its another to pick a fight with a defenseless widow. Heyman then played Vickie’s song. Vickie said she won’t let that happen tonight. Vickie said she banned him from the arena, and if he does enter, he will be arrested.
A stagehand told Vickie Rock arrived. They cut to the back where Rock was being blocked by the police. Rock said there wasn’t a force on this earth that would stop him from entering the arena. Rock said they should arrest C.M. Punk, because like Manti Te’o he has a fake nut sack. They should arrest Heyman for not wearing a bra in public. Rock said if Vickie doesn’t think he will get in the ring, she must have her head up her ass. Rock said it isn’t a matter of if, but when. Vickie said if The Rock thinks he is getting in, the only song he will be singing is “Jail House Rock.” If you smell what Vickie is cooking.
Segment Analysis: Maybe I’m just not liking the Rock’s insults. I didn’t find that segment too great. Maybe part of it is because you know the Rock is getting into the arena at some point tonight no matter what. I guess I don’t find Rock as funny as I once did. Survey Says: 2.5/5
DON’T LOOK AT THE CLOCK!!!
Beat the Clock Challenge tonight. Six matches, fastest winner gets to pick their spot in the Rumble. First match is Randy Orton vs Antonio Cesaro. Cesaro took down Orton with a side headlock. Orton got to the ropes but Cesaro caught him with an uppercut. Orton caught Cesaro with a Lou Thesz press. Cesaro applied a small package for two but Orton came right back with a dropkick. Cesaro rolled out of the ring but Orton caught him with a clothesline.
Back from break, Cesaro went for a superplex but Orton knocked him off the ropes. But Cesaro came right back and pushed Orton off to the outside. Back in the ring, Orton hit a gut wrench slam for two. Cesaro applied a headlock then charged at Orton but Orton started going into ORTON MODE with his normal offense. Orton went for a middle rope DDT but Cesaro caught him with a roll up for two. Cesaro hit Orton with an uppercut. Cesaro tossed Orton shoulder first into the ring post. Cesaro tossed Orton back into the ring and looked at the clock, but this allowed Orton to catch him with an RKO for the win in 11:36.
Match Analysis: Good enough match. I don’t mind Cesaro losing there. A mistake on his part lead to Orton getting the victory. But I am pretty sure Orton is not winning with that time. Still a good match though. Survey Says: 3/5
A Mick Foley Hall of Fame video aired, then a Shield promo.
Big Show made quick work of Zack Ryder, then started counting to ten to show what will happen in his Last Man Standing Match with Del Rio at Royal Rumble. He stopped at 4 when the crowd started “WHATing” him.
Backstage, Brad Maddox walked in and told Paul Heyman he’d do anything to be famous. Heyman said he admired his ambition and would help him out.
Ryback made quick work of Heath Slater and 3MB. Afterward he said the Royal Rumble is a match he will thrive on and get him to the main event of Wrestlemania.
Rock tried getting the cops to let him in. One cop said he had tickets for tonight but couldn’t go. Vickie came in and made sure the cops didn’t give in. Vickie said he could get in if he apologized. Rock disagreed and said he would get in on his terms.
Selling A Match 101
C.M. Punk came out. Punk said the WWE Title is very dear to him. It means more to him than most people’s families do to others. He said he will not allow The Rock or any man to take it from him. Punk said The Rock is here to entertain and tell jokes while he is here to hurt people and be the Champion. He won’t allow Rock to leave Champion because he has made the WWE Title important and prestigious. What is important to Rock is the people. Rock cares about being the People’s Champion while he cares about being the WWE Champion. Punk said he’s stared down The Rock and knows he can’t be WWE Champion. While the Rock chose the people, Punk chose arrogance. Punk said you can call Rock electrifying, but you can’t call him Champion. It is what Punk has earned. Punk said enjoy being the People’s Champion for six days. Punk said the people do not matter, all that matters is the WWE Title. Punk said in 6 days, what these people can’t give him will remain around the waist of him.
Segment Analysis: That was a great promo by Punk. He showed no lack of confidence and you actually believed everything he said as a viewer. Punk did a great job selling the match. He also did a good job distinguishing himself from the Rock. Punk is a wrestler, Rock is an entertainer. Great job all around. Survey Says: 5/5
Not Even The Figure Four Can Save Miz’s Face Turn
Beat the Clock 2: Miz vs Dolph Ziggler. Miz hit a dropkick right after the bell for two. The two exchanged a couple of near falls before Ziggler caught Miz with a dropkick of his own for two. Ziggler hit a neckbreaker then applied a headlock. Miz backed Ziggler into the corner to break the headlock. Miz took out Ziggler’s knee then attempted to go for a Figure Four but Ziggler tossed him out of the ring. Big E shoved Miz into the apron. Ziggler got a two back in the ring. Back from break Ziggler had a headlock applied. Miz got out and hit a kick to the chin for two. Both men exchanged punches until Miz got Ziggler in the corner and hit his clothesline then an axehandle off the top for two. Miz went for the Skull Crushing Finale but Ziggler countered and eventually hit a DDT for two. Ziggler countered Miz’s neckbreaker, but Miz applied the Figure Four. A.J. distracted the ref and Big E pulled Ziggler to the ropes. Miz got distracted by Big E again and Ziggler hit the ZigZag for the win in 10:56.
Match Analysis: Another good match. Everyone played their parts well, including Big E. Ziggler gets a win back even though it won’t help much. I think its pretty obvious Miz isn’t getting over as a face. Not a good job by the WWE. Ziggler, on the other hand, is over. Survey Says: 3/5
HUG IT OUT!
Dr. Shelby welcomed us to the Anger Management Graduation Ceremony. Kane and Daniel Bryan came out in graduation robes. Dr. Shelby said when they first started, Kane preferred hating to hugging. And Daniel Bryan hated when people talked about his goatface. Dr. Shelby put their caps on. He asked who should be valedictorian and speak. Both argued that the other should be it. They started arguing until Dr. Shelby yelled at them to stop. He suggested they hug, and then suggested everyone in the arena hug. Everyone hugged.
Segment Analysis: Eh. They’ve done better. Wasn’t too impressed with that segment. Was expecting a Rhodes Scholars run in. Nothing to get excited about. It is close to the end of the line with these guys as a team. Survey Says: 2/5
Kaitlyn beat Alicia Fox with a GORE!
Where Do I Get A Ticket Like That Rock?
Paul Heyman came out. He said he is the Voice of the Voice of the Voiceless. But also the advisor of C.M. Punk. He said he will act as Punk’s interpreter tonight because everyone is so dumb. Heyman said everyone thinks it is a forgone conclusion that Rock will leave WWE Champion. But it is not. He said Vince is desperate to have anyone beat Punk for the WWE Title, and January’s flavor of the month is The Rock. And if Rock is so focused on Heyman, he isn’t focused on Punk. Heyman called Rock stupid, but then Rock came out with a ticket. How did he get a ticket that gives him an entrance?
Rock told Heyman to leave the ring or he will slap the taste out of his mouth. Rock said Punk has earned the right to call himself the Best in the World. But it doesn’t change the fact that tonight on RAW will be Punk’s last night as WWE Champion. Rock said that Punk is obsessed with how he entertains. But even if you take that away, it doesn’t change the fact that he will rip Punk’s face off. Rock said he has been waiting for ten years for this shot. Just like Martin Luther King, Rock has a dream of being WWE Champion. Rock said he promises that he wins the WWE Title this Sunday. And when that happens, they will be saying “Free at last, free at last, thank god almighty we are free at last.
Suddenly the lights went out and The Shield was in the ring attacking The Rock. They hit the triple power bomb on Rock then left. Punk said on top of that mountain, there is only room for one man. Punk said the thing about dreams is that you eventually have to wake up from them. And the truth is the Great One wasn’t good enough to beat the Best in the World.
Segment Analysis: Anothr good sell for the match this Sunday. Having The Shield attack The Rock gives you makes some think they might interfere on Sunday. Punk technically ends the segment “on top,” which usually means he will lose on Sunday. Again, I like Rock better when he is serious and straight to the point, with a little bit of comedy thrown in. Segment Says: 4/5
I Would Stop For A.J. Too
Last Beat the Clock Challenge with Sheamus vs Wade Barrett. Barrett got the upper hand early on. Sheamus fought back and caught Barrett with a clothesline. Sheamus caught Barrett with a kick but Barrett charged at him with a clothesline, sending him over the top. Back from commercial, Barrett caught Sheamus with a kick to the gut. Barrett applied an armbar. Sheamus ducked a clothesline and came back with a couple of axe handles. Sheamus got Barrett in the ropes and hit his punches. Sheamus hit a suplex that got a two count. Barrett fought out of White Noise. Sheamus missed a Brogue Kick and Barrett hit a kick to the gut then one to the head for a two count. Barrett hit an elbow off the top for two. Barrett fought out of a Wasteland attempt and hit White Noise. Suddenly Ziggler, Big E and A.J. came out. A.J. ran in the ring, stopping Sheamus from hitting the Brogue Kick. Barrett hit a black hole slam for two. Sheamus finally hit a Brogue Kick, but time ran out before Sheamus could get a pin.
Match Analysis: Well, Ziggler wins Beat the Clock. Match was a bit slow for my liking between these two. Part of me fears Ziggler picks #30 and immediately gets tossed by Cena. I mean, what else can the WWE do to ruin Ziggler’s eventual main event push? That’s it. But good to see Ziggle finally outsmart a face and win something. Survey Says: 2.5/5
Backstage, Dolph bragged to Vickie how he got to pick any spot he wanted. Vickie said he didn’t get to pick any number, he got to pick either #1 or #2. So much for my theory above.
C.M. Punk and Paul Heyman ran into Vince McMahon backstage. Vince said if The Shield gets involved in the match this Sunday, there will be some serious consequences. Heyman begged Vince for no consequences. Vince screwed up and said if Punk interferes, he is stripped of his Title. But we obviously no he meant The Shield.
Alberto del Rio made quick work of Tensai. After the match, Del Rio counted to ten in Spanish.
Bob Backlund was named the second inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame.
Never Seen This Before…
John Cena came out. Cena came out and talked about Sundays, and how we can do whatever we want on them. He talked to some people in the crowd about what they do on Sundays. It was the dumbest stuff you could imagine. He talked to a kid about playing video games, a girl about lady’s night and then some ugly guy about blow up dolls. But this Sunday is different. History will be made. This Sunday, the world will find out what he already knows: Cena will win the Royal Rumble. Sheamus said it was a passionate speech, but he was gonna win. The Prime Time Players came out, then Orton, Miz, Team Hell No, Antonio Cesaro, 3MB, then the rest of the locker room. The show ended with everyone brawling in the ring.
Segment Analysis: That was just a piss poor way to end the show. It is lazy booking on the WWE’s part. First they send Cena out and he cuts a half assed promo about what people do on Sunday. Then you get the traditional brawl before the Rumble to close the show. Do they not expect us to remember this happens every year? Survey Says: 1.5/5
I thought the show was decent for the most part. Everything involving the build to Rock/Punk was good. Punk’s solo promo was outstanding. Rock was solid as well in the ring. No Shield interference will lead some people to speculate about Brock Lesnar involvement in the WWE Title Match. It’s possible, but I just think the WWE is set on Rock/Cena 2 so it would be pointless. The Beat the Clock matches were good. Hopefully Ziggler gets a long showing in the Rumble. And as I said earlier, just lazy booking by the WWE in the final segment. I’m giving the show another 6. They did a solid job building up Rock/Punk at the Rumble, which is what really matters in the end. People are buying the PPV for that match more than the Rumble.
Until Next Time,
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