YELL! ANGRY WORDS! AHHHH!!!
They recapped last night’s AMAZING John Cena/John Laurinaitis match with still photos of the match and children and women in horror.
John Cena came out looking pissed. Cena said he can’t move on from last night and asked what the hell happened. Cena couldn’t believe John Laurinaitis beat him. He called Laurinaitis a bully and he was finally getting what came to him at Over the Limit. Then Big Show knocked Cena out cold. Cena isn’t happy with Big Show selling out. Cena said anyone would have hired Big Show back, but instead Show decided to sell out. Cena continued to yell and complain.
Eve came out and introduced John Laurinaitis. He came out in a motorized hover round. He listed all of the injuries he suffered. He said he is a fierce competitor and showed it last night. Laurinaitis said if anyone lays a finger on him from here on out they are officially terminated. Laurinaitis introduced the man he rehired on Saturday, and Cena’s opponent at No Way Out, Big Show. Saturday? Show said no one deserves an explanation for his actions. Show yelled at the crowd, saying they never respected him and how dare they judge him and call him a sell out. Show said he will knock out Cena at No Way Out.
David Otunga came out. He said he is going to beat John Cena like his boss. Cena said he wasn’t in the mood but Otunga didn’t care. Otunga stayed away from Cena early on. Otunga got Cena to chase him but then Otunga attacked in the ring. Cena quickly regained control. Cena hit a quick Attitude Adjustment then locked in the STF for the win. Cena wouldn’t let go, then Tyler Reks, Curt Hawkins, Titus O’Neil and Darren Young attacked Cena. Sheamus made the save and bumped into Laurinaitis coming down the ramp. Laurinaitis made a 2-on-3 handicap lumberjack match for later.
Segment Analysis: That was a big ball of meh. Bad follow up to an already bad program. I really don’t care about Big Show’s heel turn #2357379539. Laurinaitis was funny in the hover round. I don’t know what the point was of the random jobber interference. Cena looked stupid whining and complaining the whole time. Although the Saturday logic plot hole was funny. Bad start. Survey Says: 2/5
I Thought He Was Leaving to Play Rockstar
Ricardo came out to introduce Alberto del Rio but Santino came out instead. He called Ricardo’s accent ridiculous, like his eyebrows. Santino said he doesn’t know how to pronunciate. They did some r-rolling then Ricardo ate the Cobra. Ugghhh. Del Rio and Orton locked up to start. Orton hit a bodyslam but missed a knee drop. Del Rio started to work over Orton’s arm.Orton countered and mounted Del Rio in the corner with punches. Del Rio escaped and caught Orton with a kick, knocking him off the apron. Del Rio had an armbar in back from commercial. Del Rio dove at Orton but Orton moved and went through the ropes. Orton started to come back and hit some clotheslines and a scoop slam, then a middle rope DDT. Suddenly, Chris Jericho came out and hit a Codebreaker on Orton. Jericho went on about being the best in the world then hit another Codebreaker. Before leaving Jericho hit another one.
Segment Analysis: Del Rio/Orton is still a PPV quality match so it was smart to not give away a full match or clean finish. Chris Jericho calling himself the “Best in the World” would have a lot more credence if he actually won some big matches when he came back. I guess this is leading to Orton/Jericho at No Way Out. Jericho looked to be on the edge of a mental breakdown, so maybe he snaps and leaves or gets fired. They need an explanation to get him off TV when he leaves in a month. Survey Says: 2.5/5
More Random Face/Heel Turns
Daniel Bryan came out. He said Over the Limit was a great injustice, and he should be the new WWE Champion. He replayed the footage of Punk tapping. He said he will make C.M. Punk tap again and started chanting YES! He said he is not WWE Champ due to an incompetent referee and demanded a rematch. C.M. Punk came out. Punk said last night was one of the most grueling fights he has ever been in. Punk then replayed Kane attacking him on Smackdown. Punk introduced Bryan’s opponent Kane.
Bryan ducked a Kane charge and caught Kane with a kick. Kane caught Bryan jumping off the rope. Bryan ducked Kane and Kane went over the top. Bryan hit a suicide dive through the ropes. Punk tried hitting Kane with the chair but Bryan stopped him. Kane turned around and saw Bryan with the chair and kicked him. Kane then hit Bryan multiple times with the chair and chokeslammed him in the ring. Punk went in the ring to check on Bryan but ended up putting him in the Anaconda Vice.
Segment Analysis: So is Kane a face now? What is up with these random turns in the last couple days? It appears we may get Punk/Bryan in a Submission match at No Way Out. Perfectly fine by me. Of course, knowing the WWE, they are going to screw with us and make it a triple threat Inferno match with Kane. Not a lot to the segment, just a way to get Bryan’s point across that he can make the WWE Champ tap. Survey Says: 3/5
A.J. told Punk she liked watching him beat up Daniel Bryan. Punk said she’s been acting crazy and she started crying. Punk told her everything would be ok and hugged her. He said he kind of digs crazy chicks.
Christian came out to fight Jinder Mahal. Christian won after an Unprettier and Splash from the top rope. Nothing much here.
Beth Phoenix beat Kelly Kelly.
Who Didn’t See This Coming?
John Cena and Sheamus came out for their handicap lumberjack match. Vickie Guerrero then introduced Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler. Lord Tensai came out to complete the team. A bunch of heels came out as the lumberjacks. Dolph and Sheamus started. Sheamus started with a takedown headlock. Ziggler tagged in Swagger and Sheamus Cena. Cena caught Swagger with a clothesline then Swagger tagged in Tensai. Tensai worked over Cena with some punches then tagged Swagger back in. Swagger missed a Swagger bomb and Cena tagged in Sheamus. Sheamus tossed Swagger and Ziggler to the outside. Tensai shoulder tackled Sheamus to the outside. Sheamus ended up taking out some of the lumberjacks, but Tensai took down Sheamus back in the ring. Tensai applied a chinlock.
Back from break Sheamus fought out of a headlock from Swagger, but Swagger applied an ankle lock and tagged in Tensai. Tensai splashed Sheamus in the corner. After the lumberjacks threw Sheamus back in, Tensai hit some headbutts and tagged in Swagger. Swagger stopped Sheamus from tagging in Cena and tagged in Ziggler. Ziggler hit a faceplant leg drop for two. More tags and rest holds. Sheamus eventually hit the rolling senton on Swagger and tagged in Cena, and Swagger tagged in Dolph. Cena went into CENA MODE until the lumberjacks took out Sheamus. They then worked their way to Cena. The faces came out to even the sides and a brawl broke out. Cena made his way to the back and asked John Laurinaitis where Big Show was. Laurinaitis said he didn’t know, then Cena walked right into a KO Punch to end the show.
Segment Analysis: Match was too slow and plodding for me. The heels worked over Sheamus for too long and there were too many rest holds. I guess the WWE’s goal is to make Big Show own Cena every week from here on out so Cena’s win at No Way Out looks big. I don’t know where this is all going with Cena and Laurinaitis, but it isn’t too appealing at the moment. Survey Says: 2/5
I know my reviews have been on the negative side a lot lately, but this was another bad episode of RAW. There was just no real substance to it. We had one actual match and it wasn’t any good. We get this Cena/Laurinaitis angle for another month. Daniel Bryan and C.M. Punk got about 10 minutes worth of air time and is a complete after thought to the Laurinaitis/Cena stuff. Everything else was either filler or didn’t have enough time to amount to anything. It appears most of the matches for No Way Out are set: Show/Cena (confirmed), Punk/Bryan, Sheamus/Del Rio and Orton/Jericho. The WWE seems stuck in a rut right now and they need to get out of it if they want to keep viewers for a full 3 hours starting in July. I’m giving this show a 2 again. Just no fun at all.
And remember kids, crazy chicks can be sexy. Just make sure you don’t let them know where you live. Take them to a hotel every time.
Until Next Time,
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